Cookies 'N Cream

Did you know that I once witnessed two 20-something-year-old men beat the ever loving shit out of each other over the correct way to eat an Oreo? True story (...Not really). That is how much people love Oreos. And they go great with everything. There is nothing that will not work with an Oreo. They're the perfect cookie when it comes down to it, so I decided to make this week's a post an Oreo-themed one.

Oreo Cheesecake

• 24 oz. of Cream Cheese
• 1 48-pack of Oreos
• 1 1/2 cups of Whipping Cream
• 1 Cup of Sugar
• 2 Tablespoons of Butter

Start off by crushing about half of the Oreos in a food processor and adding the butter. When it's become a sticky, chocolatey mess, press it into the bottom of a 10-inch springform pan. Place it in the freezer to harden.

Next, in a bowl on the side, whip your whipping cream (duh) until it stiffens to typical consistency, then add the sugar and whip some more. Next, cream your creamed cheese (once again, duh) until it's light and fluffy, then fold your whipped cream into the cream cheese. When those are incorporated, fold in the remaining half of your oreos, crushed and chopped up, and when it's all mixed together, pour it into the pan and allow it to refrigerate over night.

Cookies 'N Cream Cupcakes

• 28 Oreos
• 1 Stick of Butter
• 1 Cup of Sugar
• 2 Eggs
• 1 tsp. of Vanilla
• 1 1/2 Cups of Flour
• 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. of baking powder
• 1/2 Cup of milk

Start off by twisting off 18 of the Oreos and lining 18 cupcake liners with one cookie shell each. Save the other halves of the Oreos on the side for garnish. If you can, use the one with the icing on it. Next, cream together the butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla together. In a separate bowl, mix your dry ingredients together and then add the dry mix gradually, alternating with the milk. When it's all mixed, crush up your remaining ten cookies and fold them into the batter. Afterwards, pour it into the liners and bake at 350 degrees for about 25-30 minutes until a fork comes out clean. It's supposed to make 12, but I ended up making 18, which means I'm either doing something wrong or something right.

To frost them, I used the Magnolia Bakery frosting recipe from a couple weeks back.

White Russian

• 2 oz. Vodka
• 1 oz. Kahlua
• Light Cream

Hey, what goes better with Oreos then milk? Especially if it's jacked up with booze. Pour it all into an old fashioned with ice, top it off with the light cream and and stir together well.

I Want Sprinkles

So this marks the second (SECOND!) week in a row that I've made cupcakes, so to commemorate this, I thought it would be cool to pay homage to the cupcake queen, Amy Sedaris, by recreating her "cover myself in frosting and sprinkles" picture. For the sake of a reference, that's Amy's version on the right over there. See how pretty and well put together it is? Well, if you want to see mine, it's at the end of the post, so it looks like you'll have to do some learnin'.

Yeah, I know, what a shame.

Anyway, quick backstory: My cousin was sick and a friend was coming down so they wanted dinner. Being the good little gay I was, I made some chicken in mushroom gravy with some KGB Cupcakes. And here's how you can do it.




Chicken In Creamy Mushroom Gravy
(From Epicurious)

• 1/3 C. of Flour
• 1 1/2 tsp. of Thyme
• 1/2 tsp. of Allspice
• 4 Large skinless, boneless chicken breasts.
• 1/2 stick of Butter
• 1 lb. of sliced mushrooms
• 1 small chopped Onion
• 1 C. of whipping cream
• 1 C. of Chicken Stock

Start off by mixing together in a small bowl the flour, the thyme and the allspice. Use only as much as you need to coat your chicken breasts. When they're coated, melt the butter in a large skillet over medium high heat and fry the chicken until it's cooked through and through.

Next slice your mushrooms, chop your onion and sautee it in the same pan you fried your chicken in until they've browned. Add the cream and broth and bring it to a boil for about a minute, then add the chicken back in. Reduce to medium-low, let it simmer, and add the remaining flour mixture until the gravy has a thickness suited to your tastes.

KGB Cupcakes
(Recipes from HTEAC and Dulcedo)

• 1 1/2 sticks of room-temperature Butter
• 1/2 C. of Cocoa Powder
• 1 1/2 C. of Sugar
• 1 Tbl. of Vanilla
• 3 large room-temperature eggs, separated
• 1/2 C. of cold water
• 1/2 C. Kahlua
• 2 1/4 C. of flour
• 3 Tsp. of Baking Soda
• 4 C. of Icing Sugar
• 3 1/2 Tbl. of Bailey's
• 1 stick of Butter

Start by preheating the oven to 350 degrees Farenheit and preparing 24 cupcake liners. With an electric mixer, cream the butter, cocoa sugar and vanilla together until smooth. Separate the eggs and mix the yolks in with the batter until creamy while saving the egg whites on the side..

In a small bowl to the side, mix the water and Kahlua together, and in another side bowl, mix the flour and baking soda together. Alternately mix in the kahlua mixture and the flour mixture until both are fully incorporated into the batter. Now, getting back to those eggs whites; beat them hard until they form a stiff meringue (they'll form little peaks when it's been accomplished), then fold the meringue into the batter. Pour into the cups and bake for 25 minutes, or until a fork comes out clean.

For the frosting, it's just a matter of mixing the Bailey's, icing sugar and butter until it forms the thick frosting. Frost your cupcakes and to add the G to the KGB cupcakes, pour a couple drops on top of the frosted cupcakes. Not enough to make them soggy, but just enough to get a bit of the taste in there.

And finally, because I said I would...
Believe me, as hot as turning yourself into a human cupcake sounds, it doesn't quite compare to the realization that you have sprinkles in your crack. Ugh.

Me & The Minibar

You know, I've been running this blog for a while now, and I STILL haven't done a post on the fine art of boozin'. I have seriously dropped the ball on this one, haven't I? Well worry no more, gay porn loving foodies, because I have for you this week three cocktails you can try at home, including the infamous McNuggetini. Read on to see how that ended.

Mama Feist's Cosmopolitans

• 2 oz. Cranberry Juice
• 2 oz. Vodka
• 2 oz. Triple Sec
• 1 oz. Lime Cordial

As Kate so eloquently put it, "Cosmopolitans are like Christianity. Wonderful in and of themselves, yet embarrassing to admit liking due to ties with obnoxious crazy people." And it's entirely true. Cosmos were the first drink my mother ever taught me how to make, and ever since they've been our go to drink whenever we see each other. Hers especially are a thing of beauty: They're tangy, refreshing, and so loaded with booze that anymore than two will have you flat-out drunk.

Anyway, not much to do to make these. Just pour the juice, vodka, triple sec, and cordial into a shaker with ice, shake vigorously, and then pour into a martini glass. Be careful though, because these things are strong as fuck. My mother is Irish, and believe me when I say the bitch does not fuck around with her booze.

Maple Syrup Cocktail
(Stolen from Steph Auteri at Nerve)

• 1 1/2 oz. bourbon
• 1/2 oz. pure maple syrup
• 1/2 oz. fresh lemon juice

I pretty much only took this one because I needed to find the most Canadian cocktail out there, and this seemed fairly Canadian, didn't it? Anyway, pretty simple set up, just pour everything into a shaker with ice, shake shake shake, pour into a cocktail glass and garnish with a slice of lemon.

To be honest with you, I wasn't really feeling this one. I followed it to the letter, but it just wasn't very good. For only half an ounce, the lemon juice was overpowering, the bourbon had barely any presence aside from the slight burn of alcohol, and the the maple syrup could barely even be sensed as an aftertaste. Not huge on it. Maybe if you use more maple syrup, it might be okay, but even then, it's just not that great.

The McNuggetini

Watch this video and weep for humanity. Also, try to ignore the fact that it chose the most unfortunate looking screencap of me possible. Just...yeesh.

Comfort Food

What a crazy fucking week it's been. After getting back from a show in Toronto, it appears the only souvenir I brought back with me was a cold. To make matters worse, my just-friend happened to step on a broken glass when we were at work at Campus, resulting in 9 stitches on his two smallest toes. Not fun.

Therefore, this week's theme is comfort food. Sometimes you just need a little something-something to get you over a particularly nasty little spell of sickness or ennui. So here it is: A three course meal of food, drink and dessert. Get some.

Double Double Cheese Cheese Grilled Cheese Sandwich

• 3 Slices of Rye Bread
• 2 Slices of American Cheese
• Some Slices of A Good Old Cheddar
• 3 Tablespoons of Butter
• 4 Tablespoons of Bacon Bits

Start off by spreading a tablespoon of butter on each slice of rye bread. Throw a slice of bread in a pan over medium heat, then add the American cheese and half the bacon bits and adding another slice of rye bread on top, allowing it to cook until the cheese has melted. When sufficiently melty, flip it, and throw the cheddar cheese and the other half of bacon bits on top, sealing the deal with the last slice of rye. When the bottom slice of bread starts to smoke a little, flip the whole thing over VERY CAREFULLY and cook until the cheddar has also melted. Believe me on the careful part. If need be, you can use some barbecue tongs, though I find a spatula, a little TLC, and a few F-Bombs should get you through it.

Sweetie Sweet Tea
(Courtesy of Amy Sedaris' I Like You: Hospitality Under The Influence)

• 4 Tea Bags
• 4 Cups of Boiling Water
• 1 Cup of Sugar
• Cold Water
• A Fuck Load of Ice

Start off by boiling the water in whatever you have on hand, then once it becomes hot enough to deal some permanent damage, throw in the bags of tea and let it steep for about five minutes. Once that's done, pull them out and add a cup of sugar, allowing it to dissolve in the tea. Pour it all into a jug or a pitcher or what the fuckedy fuck ever and pour cold water until it's full.

Peanut Butter Cups

• 14 oz of chocolate, whichever kind you prefer
• 3 Tablespoons of butter
• 3/4 Cups of Peanut Butter
• 3/4 Cups of Confectioner's Sugar

In a double boiler, melt the chocolate with one tablespoon of your butter until it turns into a warm, gooey soup of deliciousness. Brush the chocolate into 12 paper cupcake cups then throw them in the freezer until they harden. While those are chillin' like villains, mix together the peanut butter, sugar and remaining butter until well mashed together. Once the shells have hardened, scoop a bit of the peanut butter mixture into each of the cups, then cover it with the remaining chocolate. Throw them in the freezer until hard, then take them out and keep them refrigerated.