I'm A Terrible Food Blogger

I know, I know, I haven't updated this thing in a month. But I have a very valid excuse! At least, it seems very valid to me. Long story short, I've been in and out of the hospital for the past month, I couldn't keep solid food down for about two straight weeks, and since I wasn't working, I couldn't afford to buy ingredients. It's been a rough month.

But that's okay, because I am back to relatively normal! And I even got linked to by both Queerclick and Fleshbot in the same day, which made me do one of these:


Awesomeness.

Anyway, as thanks for the linkage, and because I now feel really guilty for not updating enough, here are a couple new recipes!

Shepherd's Pie

• 1 1/2 - 2 lbs. of Ground Chuck Beef
• One large Onion
• Oregano
• Basil
• Paprika
• Soy Sauce
• Tabasco
  
• 1-2 cans of Corn
• Butter
• Milk
• About 12 Potatoes

This is one of those very special recipes that I completely pulled out of my ass. I went into this knowing that Shepherd's pie needed three things: Meat, Potatoes and corn (or peas and carrots. But I was raised on corn, so everyone else can suck it.) Aside from that, I was flying blind.

Start off by browning your beef in a medium-sized pot, with your onions. Add as much soy sauce, tabasco, spices and so on as you wish in order to season the meat. Honestly, seasoning the meat is what's going to keep it from tasting like mushy sadness, so by all means, go nuts.

Drain the beef of all the fatty juices and spread it out on the bottom of a casserole dish. I honestly had no idea shepherd's pie was technically a casserole, although now that I know I can cook a casserole, I feel old. Anyway, layer the corn on top of your beef and you're done with steps one and two.

Peel, dice and boil 12 potatoes in a large pot. And I mean LARGE. Believe me, I made the mistake of throwing a shitload of potatoes into a pot that was obviously not big enough for a shitload of potatoes. It didn't really go well. But whatever, because once the potatoes are boiled, grab a potatoe masher and mash them up with some milk and butter until they're rich and fluffy. Layer it on top of it all, then bake it at 400 degrees Farenheit for half an hour.

Almond&M&M Cookies
(Adapted from Beantown Baker)

• 2 cups of Flour
• 1/2 tsp of Baking Soda
• 1/2 cup of Butter
• 3/4 cup of Brown Sugar
• 1/2 cup of Sugar
• 1 tsp of Vanilla
• 2 Eggs
• 1 cups of M&Ms
• 1 cup of Almonds

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a small bowl, stir together the flour and the baking soda, then set it aside. Cream together the butter, brown sugar, white sugar and vanilla until well blended. You'll know because you can hear Paula Deen orgasm in the distance. Bitch loves her butter. Add the eggs and beat well.

Next, gradually mix in the flour until you have a nice little dough going on, then mix in the M&Ms and almonds. Roll them out into little balls and bake them for 11 minutes. I think it made something like 3 dozen or so...Give or take. I wasn't really counting.