Saturday, August 15, 2009

Vegetables? In Cake? EVERYBODY PANIC!

Veggie cakes tend to get a bit of a bad wrap. Considering how often most people actually eat vegetables, wouldn't incorporating greens into all the sugary junk you actually WANT to eat make more sense? And before you even go there, sugar does not count as a veggie. Neither does chocolate. I'm sure you must be crushed.

This week's project is for Pornobobbie, who requested Carrot Cake, because let's face it, who doesn't fucking love Carrot Cake? The answer of course is Hitler. Hitler didn't like Carrot Cake. Or puppies. Or gay porn. What I'm trying to say is, Hitler was a fun-wrecking dickhead and Carrot Cake is delicious.

Carrot Cake

(Adapted/stolen from Stephanie Jaworski at Joy of Baking)

  • 1 Cup of Walnuts
  • 2 1/2 Cups of finely grated Carrots
  • 2 Cups of Flour
  • 1 tsp Baking Soda
  • 1 1/2 tsp Baking Powder
  • 1 1/2 tsp of Ground Cinnamon
  • 4 Eggs
  • 1 1/2 Cups of Sugar
  • 1 Cup of Canola Oil
  • 2 tsp of Vanilla Extract
Start of by preparing the nuts and the carrots. Toast the walnuts by heating the oven to 350 F, then throwing the walnuts in the oven on a cookie sheet for about 7-8 minutes. One thing you should probably know though: apparently, you need to toast these little fuckers BEFORE you chop them up. I, however, bought a bag of pre-chopped walnuts. Because I'm an idiot. Awesome. Anyway, once those are out of the oven, chop them up coarsely.

Now the carrots...God I hated this part. Chop off the ends of the carrots, peel them then grate them into thin little pieces of orange, carrot-ey goodness. You're gonna need about 2 1/2 cups of it, which is roughly the size of three big carrots. You can eyeball it yourself, but to be honest, your cake probably won't blow up into a flaming ball of failure if you're a little under.

Next up, whisk together the flour, baking soda, baking powder and cinnamon in a bowl and set that aside. In another bowl, beat the eggs until frothy, while gradually adding the sugar in bit by bit until thick. Add the oil in afterwards in a steady stream, then add the vanilla.

Once you have your dries and your liquids sufficiently mixed, it's time to combine those fuckers. Once incorporated, fold in both the carrots and the nuts, then pour the whole thing in a greased 10" cake pan. Bake it at 350 F for 40-45 minutes, then cool it on a wire rack. Once it's cooled, it's time to ice it...

Cream Cheese Icing

  • 8 oz. Cream Cheese
  • 1/4 Cup of Butter
  • 2 Cups of Icing Sugar
  • 1 Tsp of Vanilla
This one's a little easier. Just cream together the butter and the cream cheese until smoothe, then add in the icing sugar and vanilla, then beat until thick and ribbon-ey. Afterwards, cut the cake in half horizontally and ice the inside and the top of the cake.

One final word of advice...While licking the beaters is one of those things you simply HAVE to do when baking, you might not want to do this with a handmixer, unless of course you enjoy having your tongue caught and subsequently ripped out by one of these little fuckers.


  1. I just LUV to lick the cu,,, the icing after baking a cake! ;)

  2. Briliantly written. Also please note. DeWayne has a boyfriend. :)

  3. Thank you babe, I'm soooo honored you dedicated this cake for me. I am blushing.

    God i wish I could lick some of that icing off your nekkid bod! :)

    You are the best babe!

  4. my dear boi, next time turn yo face (& body) to the light when u take yo picture, esp. wit yo tongue work'n that 'beater'

  5. Sexxi!

    Also, delicious.

    And, P.S., chocolate TOTALLY counts as a vegetable. It comes from a bean. Hence, vegetable. Or at least legume.