About Goddamn Time

Yes, I know, I've been neglecting my cooking. Believe me, I've had a VERY good reason for it. A very good reason that I will not be getting into right now. But enough about that, because look! I have a new post and everything!

Anyway, I've got both a dinner recipe and a dessert recipe, should you feel so inclined to treat yourself. For dinner: Pasta Carbonara with Poached Eggs, and for dessert, Pecan Pie.

Pasta Carbonara with Poached Eggs
(Shamelessly stolen from Epicurious)

• 2 bacon slices, cut into 1-inch pieces
• 1/4 pound spaghetti
• 1/2 tablespoon unsalted butter
• 1/3 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano plus additional for serving
• 1 to 2 tablespoons chopped tarragon or parsley
• 1 large egg

Start off by frying the bacon in a skillet until it's nice and crispy, but hopefully, not to the point of being burnt into a blackened crisp. That would kinda totally suck a fat one, wouldn't it? Anyway, when you're done with that, dry the bacon on a paper towel, and put the skillet and the bacon grease off to the side.

Boil the spaghetti in a pot of boiling water until al dente, and while that's boiling, mix together the bacon grease and the butter in your skillet. Once that's done, mix in the cheese, the spices, your crumbled bacon and some of the water from your spaghetti (about 1/3 of a cup should do it). When you're spaghetti is done, drain it (or scoop it out to save the boiling water for your egg) and mix it in with the sauce in the skillet.

To top it off, you're gonna need a poached egg. Having never actually made one of these before today, I honestly had no fucking clue how these things worked. As it turns out, there are a couple ways to pull this off without creating egg soup. You can either pour a bit of white vinegar in the water (which I didn't do, since I, you know, didn't actually HAVE any), or you can stir the boiling water into a mini-whirlpool and then just drop the egg in the center, which will keep your egg together. Then just boil it for about three minutes to keep the egg yolk soft and runny, then take it out with a slotted spoon and serve it over the pasta.

Pecan Pie
(Stolen from...Someone. I can't remember who)

• 3/4 Cup of Sugar
• 1 1/2 Tablespoons of Flour
• 3 Eggs
• 3 Tablespoons of Melted Butter
• 1 Cup of Corn Syrup
• 1 Teaspoon of Vanilla
• 1 Cup of Coarsely Chopped Pecans
• 1 prepared Pie Shell

This next one was a bit of a pain in the tuchus. Despite baking this last year, and having it turn out perfectly, this year's Thanksgiving pie turned out...somewhat worse for wear, really. Not that it wasn't good; on the contrary, it earned some pretty rave reviews. It was just mind-meltingly delicious. The only problem was that it didn't set well, so rather than Pecan Pie, I was left with Pecan Soup. Bummer.

Anyway, the way you're SUPPOSED to make it goes like this: Whisk together the sugar, flour, eggs and butter until it's golden brown and smooth. After that, whisk in the syrup, the vanilla and the pecans and pour the delicious, golden syrup into a prepared pie crust. Bake it at 375 for 30 minutes, then let it cool on a wire rack (or if you have one available, a window sill, if only for the kitsch value).

So far, my theory on this is that something about the pie crust threw it off. Last year, I only had to make one, so I tortured myself by making one from scratch. This year, however, I had to make two of these, so in order to cut some corners, I made the mistake of buying a Pillsbury crust. I know, I know, that's like a mortal sin for bakers, but I absolutely SUCK at making pie crusts. Anyway, prepping this crust involved poking holes in it, which I think may have affected it, but who knows? Anyone care to shed some light on this bitch?

Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot Pie!

I'd like to start off this week's post with a round of shout outs. First one goes to Matt the Great! who took the time to send me a beautiful apron, matching chef's hat, and oven mitts and dish towels. The hat's a little doofy, but you gotta admit, it is totally cute. And floppy!
Next one goes to my Dad, who came over during the week with a fuckload of brand new kitchen utensils, saving me from having to use a spoon as a spatula. Thank the good lord for that one, huh? Finally, one last shout out to Sarah Larson, my most favouritest pie-hating Empress of Everything ever.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, Chicken Pot Pie: It's the first savory dish I've made for the site, which I suppose is something of a good thing for my belly. Honestly, I've funneled enough sugar down my throat to supply Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory for a year ever since I started this thing. It also gave me an opportunity to break out Amy Sedaris' wonderfully funny I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence, something I really wish I could do more often than I actually do.
Chicken Pot Pie
(Adapted from Amy Sedaris' I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence)

• Puff Pastry Sheets (Or failing that, store bought pie crusts)
• A 4 lb Chicken, pre-cooked
  
• A Large Onion
• A Large Carrot
• 3 Potatoes
• 2 Cups of Frozen Peas
• 1 Cup of Flour
• 3 Cups of Chicken Stock
• 1 Stick of Butter (1/2 Cup)

Start off by prepping your veggies: Peel and slice your carrots and your onion, and then cube your potatoes. Boil the carrots in a covered pot for four minutes, then drain them out and set them in a bowl. Brown the onions in some butter, and then throw them in the bowl. Boil your little bitty potato cubes for seven minutes then, you guessed it, also in the veggie bowl!
Once you have those out of the way, slice up the three stalks of celery and toss them in the bowl with your frozen peas.

Alright, now that your veggies are out of the way, it's time to make your cream sauce. In a pot over medium heat, boil the chicken stock with the flour and the butter, whisking until smooth. Feel free to add extra butter and flour as you see fit, for the sake of taste and texture respectively.

Now, assuming you have a pre-cooked chicken, skin the fucker. I'm not really sure how to do this, although after spending half an hour staring at mine, trying to flay off it's skin with my mind à la Dark Willow, I ultimately just got tired and proceeded to tear the damn thing apart with my hands. It lacks finesse, sure, but it's quite effective. Just pull off the skin, then slice the meat off the bone and chop it up into little bitty pieces. There's a good chance that if you enjoy this too much, you will end up becoming a serial murderer (or at the very least, an arsonist).

Now that you have your chicken and your cream sauce, throw them all into the bowl and toss them well, seasoning with salt and pepper. You can add a bit of tabasco sauce if you want a bit of a kick, but I'm a pussy, so I left that out.
Now, line a pie plate with the puff pastry sheet, or if like me you weren't able to find it, the Pillsbury Pie Crust. Bot work equally well, I must say. Once you have it pressed into the plate, scoop in your well tossed pie filling and seal it over with the other half of your choice of pastry. Use a fork to seal over the edges, as well as giving it a little of that ye olde charm. Cut a few slices into the top of the pie, and try to make it look pretty. I prefer my pies to have a simple, rustic look to them, so I just did a simple little pattern with some slices. When that's done, bake the pie at 450 degrees for 35 minutes until brown, then let it cool on either a wire rack, or if you're feeling folksy, let it cool on a window sill while Lassie saves Timmy from the well.

Bon Appétit!

Key Lime Pie: Fun With Whipped Cream

To be honest with you, I have a bit of a rocky relationship with pie. While there are a lot of pies I'm quite fond of, it seems like the only ones that get any press are the shit ones. I'm looking at you, apple pie. You hear me? You're dead to me, apple pie! You and all your fruit pie brethren! YOU'RE ALL DEAD TO ME! DEAD LIKE LINCOLN!

...Ahem. Sorry, don't know where that came from.

Anyways, the smoother pies have always held a place in my heart. Custards, puddings, shit like that, really. Stupid fruit pies think they're so great...Lemon and lime pies are a favourite, mostly because they have that tangy little kick to them, but they're still topped off with some sweet, fluffy goodness. Anyhoodle, thanks to Rocco Giovanni, I decided to try my hand at a Key Lime Pie this week. The recipe is as follows...

Key Lime Pie
(courtesy Joe's Stone Crab Restaurant)

• 200 g of Graham Crackers
• 5 Tb of melted butter
• 3 Egg Yolks
• 2 Tsp of lime zest
• 14-oz of Condensed Milk
• 2/3 cup of lime juice
• An entire can of whipped cream

Start off by crushing the graham crackers in a food processor, or just wreck their shit with a rolling pin. You have no idea how much fun this part is to me. Love it. Anyway, once your done with that, stir in the melted butter until it's all sticky, then press it into a pie plate of your choosing. I always have trouble with this part, but who the hell are we kidding, no one cares about the crust anyways. It's all about the filling. Your crust can look like it was beaten to death with the fugly stick, but as long as you've got some rockin' filling, no one cares. Anyway, bake that at 350 degrees (F) for 8 minutes until it's golden brown.

Next, beat together the three egg yolks with the lime zest into a frothy goodness with an electric mixer, or, if you're like me and you're too cheap to buy one and you're too lazy to steal the one your dad never uses, beat it with a whisk until your arm gets tired and your sex life goes down the drain. Afterward, beat in the condensed milk gradually until it becomes thick and delicious, then do the same for the lime juice. Pour the filling into the pie crust and bake it at 350 (again) for ten minutes. When it's done, cool it on a rack, then fridge that bitch.
Once it's completely cool, break out that can of whipped cream and go to town. Put as much or as little on it as you want. Personally, I like to smother it with whipped cream because, let's face it, whipped cream is delicious. Actually, I might have gone just a tiny bit overboard with the whipped cream...
What can I say? I loves me my whipped cream.